The Miracle in Medinah

Well, golf, eh?

Whatever sporting gods I tune into told me to stay up and stick with it. At ten – six down, it wasn't likely to go Europe's way. But after the first four points went our way, making it ten – all, then, well, mentally you have to start again. Job part done, now the remaining eight have to ensure they halve the remaining points, enough to draw the event, and so retain the trophy.

The skill on display is almost incomprehensible. Given a golf ball and a hole and standing half a football pitch from the hole, you would be pleased to throw it and have it end up as near as those guys were getting it. Hitting it with little sticks. Off the ground. A couple of football pitches away.

American newspapers are laying into their guys, big time. This side of the Atlantic, it's a European miracle. Their side, it's been thrown away by players who thought their job was already done.

I got a fantastic tip about my tee shots.

“You're standing too near the ball.”

“Am I?”

“Yeah. After you've hit it.”

Well done Frank

Football fans love a (witty) variation on a theme. The “scores when he wants” song's popular at the moment. Last season there was the “pays tax when he wants” Harry Redknapp variation. On Saturday, there was: “Eats what he wants, he eats what he wants, fat Frank Lampard, he eats what he wants”.

Lampard had a laugh at that and pointed to a big fat bloke having a sing.

When opposition supporters sang “if Lee Dixon plays for England, so can I” at him, Dixon said “I'm just happy to have my own song. Didn't have one before.”

If you need cheering up on a Monday evening...

...there's always Sky and Monday night football. Tonight, as West Ham went two – nil at QPR with a soft near-post goal, there's Mark Hughes' meltdown to raise a smile.

His status on social networking would toggle between 'disgruntled' and 'taking umbrage' which makes it funnier when there's a genuine reason for him to blow his stack.

Ed 'talks' Balls at it again

According to the genius that is Ed Balls, the way to reinvigorate the stagnant housing market is to build another 100,000 homes no-one can afford to buy. Spectacular. Stellar. That's the anti-socialist's plan. “Shall we give people trying to move or buy their first homes loans so the market can get moving again, or at least make the banks offer mortgages, as long they're too toxic?”

“Nah. Let's flood the stagnant market with more rabbit hutches no-one wants or can afford.”

“Great thinking, Ed. Let's go with that then.”

“At the same time we can concrete over acres of countryside. For good.”

“Better and better.”

“I'll tell the boss.”

“Tony? You've got his number?”

“No, the developer of our core policies.”

“Maggie?”

“Of course.”