How to pass an interview

Soaking wet

I don't mind wet. Sooner or later, there's dry in the future. Same with cold. What I struggled with today was notepad turning to pulp, and pencil being washed off pulp, making progress impossible.

Also there was the three steps to disappointment:

Step 1: forgot jacket, no I didn't, there it is on the back seat.

Step 2: nope, it's not a jacket after all, still, it's a black fleece so it'll be warm and have pockets.

Step 3: oh, it's a sweatshirt.

Camera, wet, disto-meter, wet. Maybe the car will look clean, for once, when it dries off.

T'aint fair

According to Osborne, the welfare system is unfair.

According to common sense, neither is an administration running a country for the benefit of themselves and their mates.

New boss, meet the old boss. Old boss, new boss. Jesus, guys, you're identical.

Interview questions I'd ask candidates

Now, please, stand up and demonstrate playing a reverse sweep.

Finish this phrase: “The thriller in....”

Why is Dave Brubeck's 'Take Five' so called?

How many days is Joyces 'Ulysses' set over?

What novel is Apocalypse Now based on?

Who's giving you the last rites? The Pope? Or Yoda?

Now, please, stand up and demonstrate Thierry Henry's goal into Barthez's top corner.

Give me three rhyming slang terms for piles (not including Farmers, Chalfonts, or Nobbys).

Now, please, stand up and demonstrate driving off the downhill first tee.

Name something to eat that isn't better with added chilli sauce.

Name three Frank Zappa songs.

Now, please, stand up and demonstrate Paul Merson's goal celebration against Liverpool.