Gemini? Nah, Arsenal

Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

I watched Hannah and Her Sisters. I have not caught back up with Woody Allen for too long. Funny, sympathetic and sharp.

Sunken Condos

Donald Fagen. Steely Dan produced increasingly perfectly-produced jazz / funk influenced music. The first three solo albums were the continuation of post-Aja Steely Dan. This is more of the same. You can't knock more of the same when it's more of such fantastic quality.

A bloke's horoscope part 1

West Brom: Likely to have a decent sense of humour. Generally has low expectations. You may find shelves of Frank Skinner DVDs near the television.

Norwich: Unlikely to have the right number of fingers, toes, limbs or even heads. Drives a tractor. You may find shelves of Delia cookbooks in the kitchen, all unread as there's too few recipes for roadkill.

Spurs: Likely to be dribbling down his shirt. You may find shelves of Chas and Dave cds near the cd player. Which he won't be able to work without assistance.

Chelsea: Chav.

Stoke City: Likely to be low on the evolutionary ladder. No skin on his knuckles, where they rub on the ground. Worships long throws. You may find human remains. In his cave.

Fulham: On the outside, nice and friendly. Underneath, prone to beat up eleven year old kids at Gillingham in the 1970. You may find Tommy Trinder DVDs, all in black and white.

Manchester United: Does not really like football, so supports the default club for plastic people. You may find lots of DVDs, cds, books and cameras on the shelves, all in Japanese.

Manchester City: Likely to be at the game, but jumping up and down while facing the wrong way. You may find shelves full of Oasis albums, despite the fact that after the first one you may as well listen to a bootleg Beatles band.

Swansea: Likely to be unsure what shape ball to play with. You may find shelves of Dylan Thomas books, and twenty seven words for 'rain'.

Liverpool: Fond of reminiscing, the Liverpool is often found in the Rose Tinted section of Specsavers. You may find shelves of Jerry and the Pacemakers and John Lennon solo albums.

Everton: See Liverpool. Less fond of the past. Equally dining out on the cheeky chappie reputation while actually being a maudlin wretch. You may find shelves of John Bishop DVDs and Beatles albums.

Arsenal: Likely to be a top bloke. You will find shelves full of books, DVDs, and CDs. You will find them because the shelves are not laden with cups and trophies. You may also find lots of mothballed posters of the club's star players, as they are sold every summer.