Too early for chips?

Sun, yardarm, chips

I've been asked twice:

“Is it too early for chips?”

First was Rich. A telephone query. I think he knew the answer before I gave it. Then Fat Dave. Greasy spoon, breakfast. One of those numbered option blackboards.

“Number six” I said. Two bacon, sausage, hashbrowns, fried slice, egg, beans. Had I been bothered, I'd've swapped the beans for tinned tomatoes or fresh mushrooms.

“I fancy an eight” he said, “is it too early for chips?”

“It's never too early for chips”.

Tea with that?

I don't like paying the greasy spoon tea tax. Fair enough in one of those bargain basement places. Ten items, three quid, upstairs over the racks of old man jackets, slippers and nighties, round the back of the checkouts and the customer bogs. Not on when you're at around the fiver for a full English. That should stretch to an included teabag, hot water and a dash of milk.

Tea and symphony

Well, song and dance, anyway.

Here's something the human behaviour people ought to look at: cup of tea at home? One bag or two? Long steep, or short dip? How much milk? Whoa, take it easy with the semi / skimmed / full fat boy. It has to be a certain brand, or at least one of a small number of brands. Squeezed or just flipped into the bin? Every slight error or judgement, tactics, game plan and execution severely punished.

Mug of tea. Café. As it comes. Happy with that. Hot and wet, nice cuppa splosh. No probs. Lovely. Absolutely no fuss. No stuff 'n' nonsense.

Proof that we're governed by philistines

Super-smug Little Lord Fauntleroy, or The Chancellor, as Osborne prefers to be known, has closed the VAT-free book download loophole. Thanks George.

George is a product of rich, posh folk. He rivals Lord Coe in the slimeball smug-fest stakes. As if that wasn't enough, there's now 20% moat / duck island / Mars bar / second home tax on ebooks. Thanks George.

George doesn't hang much with normal folk. There was a photo opportunity of George pretending to lay a brick on a site somewhere, in the papers. He probably held on and waited, or had his own personal antique-panelled Portaloo delivered to site especially for the visit. They probably cleared the area of Polish labourers and hid the carpenters in the pub for the duration. He prefers spending time on the yachts of those super chaps he calls friends, the ones he helps dodge taxes and earn massive bonuses. To anyone on a budget, it'll mean being able to access fewer books. His party like closing public libraries. What do the plebs need to read for anyway, eh George?

George looks after his own. He needs the 20% book tax. Otherwise, how can MPs keep up appearances? £1,500 suits, £500 brogues, it all costs money, don't'cha'know. Great. A reading tax. Thanks George.