Patience and accuracy

All it takes...is more than we can muster

LK looked at the beer keg in the curry house entrance lobby.

“That'd do” he said, “for the beer I'm making.”

“That'd be handier still, if it was full of beer already.”

Apparently, you can make pub-quality beer for a few pennies a pint. All you need is (LK continued):

“A bit of kit...” (so far so good – blokes love a bit of kit, the shinier the better) “patience and accuracy”.

I looked at AD, then Rich, then down at my shoes.

“Patience...” said AD.

“Accuracy...” said Rich.

“Where are we going to get those from?”

We tried the Thesaurus approach:

“Meticulousness?”

“Nope.”

“Eye for detail?”

“Er. Nah.”

“Diligence?”

“Fresh out of that.”

“Care and attention?”

“Eh?”

We asked the obvious question: if you were to approach this beer-making enterprise without the patience (which we're not equipped with) or accuracy (none of that sort of thing, either) what would be the result? Degraded product. Oh well. We won't be starting the micro-brewery anytime soon then. Not until there's a powder or paste (just add water) available. Maybe not even then:

“Seen the powder?”

“Nope. Is it at the back of the cupboard?” The back of he cupboard? You may as well say “has it been sucked irreversibly into a black hole never to be seen again?”.

“What about the bottles?”

“Er...”

“The big bucket thing? What's it called? The mash tun?”

“Broken heater.”

Anyway, I've watched a number of seasons of 'Justified', and those Kentucky rednecks and hillbllies seem to knock up moonshine from ancient stills without too much in the way of patience or accuracy.

If you're going down the chem lab route, it's probably more the Breaking Bad model you ought to be following.