Miller, culture. Charles Hawtree, bodybuilding.

Culture?

A woman needs as man, the saying has it, like a fish needs a bicycle.

The unholy alliance has a culture secretary. It needs one the way a trout lake needs a branch of Evans Cycles. Maria Miller, she's called. Just in case anyone thought that the expenses fiddling had stopped, just because there's been little heard about it, she's just sold a house the taxpayer bought her and made over a million quid profit.

If you're wondering, her credentials for being minister for culture, sport and media is a degree in economics, and working for Texaco.

The Bez Party

Can I vote in Salford and Eccles?

The Coventry Telegraph (see the lengths and depths of research I go to in order to bring you this rubbish?) says of his anti-fracking views:

“[He] is an unlikely champion of the environment, being once (once having been?) famous for having plumbed the depths himself in search of substances better left alone.”

Well, I think anyone sensible would take substance abuse before abusing the environment. I want the Tramazi Parti to launch a nationwide campaign. Then I might even wander down to the poll booth once more. Shaun William Ryder, Chancellor. The Reverend Black Grape as archbishop of Manchester.

Other countries are much better at the ex-celeb politician thing, electing more colourful characters than we seem able to manage. I think Swampy's overdue a tilt at getting elected, too. A constituency with plenty of trees would be ideal.

I'd hope, as well, that when he forms his administration, Bez will find places for David 'Bumble' Lloyd, Ian Wright and Elvis Costello, and makes it illegal to be Michael Parkinson.

Same sex marriage

Long overdue, this.

Odd, too, that after twenty years of supposedly socialist government, the unholy tory-led right-wing alliance has finally done the right thing. Were Tone and Gord homophobic or were they hamstrung by their religious beliefs? Either way they've been shown how to do the right thing by an unlikely source.

Tone, Son of Margaret, has gone on record saying that, or more or less saying that he's some sort of God's own politician and did whatever he did because of the guidance he received from on high. That's mental enough to suggest that he's revving up for a not guilty but insane plea should the war crimes thing ever land on his doormat.

In any case, believing in walking on water, immaculate conception, winged horses, any of that gumph ought to disbar you, forever, from political office. Indeed, from any sort of position where your decision making is likely to be compromised through falling for all that.

Still, it's absolutely shocking that this lot have dragged things into the present day. It reinforces the feeling that we've really no longer got a socialist agenda party to vote for and a traipse to the polling booth is truly one of the greatest imaginable wastes of time.