Anne Diamond's Pet Chimp

The Bridge

Coming to the end of the ten-part series. Two to go, and they're being saved up for when my eyes are working properly and not glazing over early in the evening.

The programmes are subtitled, co-produced in Sweden and Denmark. Obviously, they're a bit ahead of us on the metrication front, with the ten-part series. Ours seem to be mired in the bad old days: six-episode series, twelve show serials, and if you compare this with, say, Broadchurch, there's no comparison. These guys have seen The Wire and taken progress on board. Our lot are trying to reproduce Agatha Christie 1960's whodunnits.

Nordic Noir, I think it's called. It's a bit like watching the subtitled Girl with the Dragon Tattoo instead of the all-star made in England (or America) version. The Yanks have had to do a re-make because they apparently are too subtitle resistant to watch the originals.

Spinning in his what?

I don't like Richard Keys.

I nagged on and on at the Arsenal forums for a filter to change his name to Anne Diamond's Pet Chimp. [If you ever get on there (and it's a selective place) and type in John Terry, the “glass jawed” in the “Patchy Haired, Glass Jawed, Blubbing, Penalty Shanking Racist ****” he gets changed to is mine]. He's a morning telly numpty plastic, pretend football person. Who had his hands lazer de-furred because he's also a vain little moron.

Anyway, his reaction to this little bump:

Was to come out with “Bobby Robson would be spinning in his grave”.

First of all, it was powder-puff stuff. No eye hanging out, no split skin, no blood, no bruising. Not a headbutt to anyone who's been on the receiving end. Still, enough for Keys Anne Diamond's Pet Chimp to come over all unnecessary. Bobby Robson had a sense of humour. He'd be giggling in his grave at the fuss, and spinning at the fact that someone like Keys still has a job in football.