No. I don't want to watch anything you have to offer

Rich = Pietersen

Yesterday, Bob and KP had identical batting figures. Not often you can say that. Unfortunately, they didn't both smash a shedload of runs. Quickly. They both got out, quickly. They both got a golden (first ball) duck. So, it can (and does) happen to anyone. Cricket has a Primary Club, anyone dismissed first ball can join and the proceeds go to deaf and blind sportsmen and women. Apart from animal charities, there's nowhere else I'd rather my money went. Not only have I walked out, faced one ball and got out (bowled, too, the worst way to go) and walked back again for the golden duck, I've also done the double-whammy thing (walked out (this was an indoor game) to the non-striker's end, gone for a sharp run, didn't quite get there, and was run out without even facing a single ball). That's a diamond duck, apparently.

Got a junk email today...

...do you (that is me, do I) want to attend the BBC Sports Personality of the Year Awards?

No.

I don't want to go to the BBC Let's Watch People Do Gardening Show.

I don't want to go to the BBC Let's Watch People Do Building Show.

BBC Karaoke (X-Factor, I think it's called): nope.

BBC People Going to Hospital Show? Not that, either.

BBC TV anything? Actually? No.

I would rather watch paint dry. Slow drying paint. Poor drying conditions. Boring colour. On a boring material against a boring background.

The BBC bigs up the sports personality of the year as if it were a genuine event. It might as well, because it will not spend licence payers' money on sport otherwise. This year is the last it will cover the Derby, the Grand National and Royal Ascot. All it has left now is Wimbledon. Tell me it's not an organisation of overpaid posh boys. The ex-director has said that the BBC considers sport 'below the salt'. I had to Google that. It means common or lowly. That's obviously how the BBC perceives me. In return, albeit in my common and lowly way, I see the beeb as a hugely expensive unregulated institution, dependent upon an unfair, out of date and bizarre television tax, paying obscene salaries to odious little talentless twerps. Churning out dumbed down garbage for the Great British screen-lickers. Bring on the day the licence is abolished. I'll be suing for backdated repayment of fees charged with nothing in return by the pickpockets at the corporation.

Robin van Onthebench

No-one on Sky or the radio have mentioned what I think is the most probable reason for starting van Persie on the bench. It sends a message. It says: you top boys, Citeh, Chavs, Liverpoo, you all would love to have this bloke. Us? We don't even give him a start. It says to Arsenal: you're gutted he's gone, he can't even get a game here. It says to rest of the clubs: you would kill for a player of this sort of ability, he'd be the first name on your teamsheet, he's a makeweight here. It's just after half time. My prediction? Comes on with twenty minutes to go, tries too hard to impress, limps off, treatment table for eighteen months or so.