Cream tea? No ta, I'm male

No cream tea, ta, I'm a bloke

A Guardian article claims that us blokes are averse to afternoon tea. I'm with that. Based on nothing at all I've always struggled with the “it's my birthday, there's cakes”. I always give the wrong response. “I'll just have a cup of tea, thanks”. Sounds all my body is a temple, don't it? Well if it has to be ecclesiastical, my body's at least a cathedral, but as an atheist, my body's a warehouse. Probably an Aldi or Lydl warehouse. Or the pork scratchings and beef jerky storage depot.

Now, were the message “there's a selection of Indian snacks, starters, and lime pickle” we'd be in business. That's a fair celebration. Tea and cakes is just too grandma. Little old lady food.

Apparently there's now restaurants and hotels serving male alternatives. Crust on doorstep sandwiches. Pork pies. Bacon sandwiches. Mini pasties. Small portion fish and chips and pie and chips. That sort of thing. I wonder if there's pink and blue menus?

Lance Armstrong...

...has been done by some anti-doping fanatic and stripped of his Tour de France titles. Good work dude. Armstrong won his tours in a filthy sport, beating blokes who were without a doubt doped up to the eyeballs. All of them had to in order to compete. Who gets those titles now? Second placed riders who were equally full of illegal substances. The tour then was one giant rolling pharmaceutical event, with teams transporting more phials, needles and pills than spare parts for the bikes. That's how it was. Get over it. Get off Armstrong's back.

Armstrong's response has been, appropriately enough, a Gallic shrug, and the approach that he's interested in his kids and his wife and the past can take care of itself. Donations to his cancer charity have dramatically increased, so there's a lot of public support for the guy.

Fishcakes

I made BLISS fishcakes tonight. Smoked cod, cut into very small pieces, red onion, mint, chilli, curry powder, paprika, garlic, and some flour and an egg. Mixed up, shallow fried, finished in the oven. They were nice. With baby courgettes (cooked with a little ginger), spinach and sprouting brocoli.

Fishcakes are one of those things I make too infrequently, always followed by the “we should have them more often” conversation, followed by the resolution to make them regularly. Followed by the inexplicable failure to do so.

Matt Prior

Who would be played by Jason Statham in the film 'The Ashes', smashed 70 chanceless runs yesterday. England could have done with him today.