Alice, meet Geoffery

'Ello Alice

Test Match Special interviewed Alice Cooper during the tea interval yesterday. The podcast's worth a listen. Jonathan Agnew was obviously uncomfortable with Alice, as a name, not the person. Then Alice said he could call him Coops and all was well.

Today they revealed that Geoff Boycott was introduced.

AGNEW: Geoffrey, Alice. Alice Geoffrey.

BOYCOTT: [TURNING TO MRS COOPER] Very pleased to meet you, Alice.

Agnew was offered free tickets to a gig.

COOPER: You can have blood seats.

AGNEW: Blood seats?

COOPER: Yeah. Where you get spattered with blood.

AGNEW: Really?

COOPER: [NOW PLAINLY DEALING WITH AN IDIOT] No. Not really. It's fake. It's like...red candy and water.

MM on a Warwickshire duck

“Well” he said “that was specularly bad” and he was right. Park I think it was. “He's come out. He's tried his best to get run out without facing a ball. Then he's taken off his gloves and helmet to do up his laces, despite having just emerged from the pavilion, then he's spent a few hours doing more gardening than Alan Titchmarsh. Then he's got skied one and got a first ball duck.”

Gardening

Walking down the wicket and tapping at the surface with the bottom of your bat. Universally referred to as 'gardening'. I seldom do any gardening, unless there's real damage to the pitch, and to avoid picking up the habit. Watch. Some of our players are compulsive:

Bowler bowls.

Batsman bats.

Batsman wanders down the pitch, looks at the surface the way a nervous little old lady looks at the meter reader with no ID, then prods about with his bat.

Satisfied, batsman gets back to the job in hand and the game resumes.

Some of them may as well leave the bat in the kitbag and go out with a hoe.