Silly hat shopping

What’s the pope need all that money for?

A good question. DLL asked it. I don’t know the answer.

Particularly as, as she pointed out, it isn’t as if he goes out or anything, is it?

Maybe silly hats and 1980’s curry house wallpaper print fabric robes cost a fortune? Rome is expensive, and those hats, dresses and curly-stick things are niche items. You won’t see them in the Freemans Catalogue, or on Amazon or eBay.

I’ve just checked. No hits on Amazon, but “Pope’s hat” does actually come up on eBay, and he could get the full regalia there, for just £7.95 + postage, representing a huge saving to the church they could spend on providing condoms to stop the spread of AIDS feeding the poor, or something.

Just £7.95, full rig-out, what a bargain.

Amazon do silly hats, including this little beauty, and any religion with a head honcho kitted out in one of these would be worth looking at, in my book. All hail the penguin-master, do the waddle-dance, and eat live sardines.

Praise the lord and pass the sardines.

DLL also left me with a clear mental image of the pope going out, shuffling down the Vatican newsagents and general stores, morning hair sticking out from under the papal night-time silly hat, and tartan slippers sticking out from under the dress, to pick up twenty Bensons, a sliced loaf, pint of semi-skimmed, and the papers. The Roman Catholic version of the Sport would be best:

Headlines:

The Archbishop of Canterbury ate my hamster.

Jesus found alive, on the Moon.

Nun on the Run, sister Abigail completes marathon.

Case of gonorrhea found in monastery. “It’ll make a change from that Benedictine” says spokes-monk.

All splashed around a long-lens zoom-in close up of sister Abigail bending over to tie the laces of her running shoes.

Naturally he will then flip straight to the back pages to check how Celtic, Hibs, Barca and, of course, the Vatican City national team (they missed a trick not being called Vatican City there) are getting on. I’d imagine the Vatican City lot might just be struggling, having to play in sackcloth and sandals and say all those Hail Marys after every cynical hack on an opponent through on goal.