Dynamic Positivism and the Windmill Hole

The philosophy of crazy golf

The hut where you pay and pick up the putter, ball, scorecard and pencil. That’s Capitalism, I think. I mean, you can’t expect to play for free. Unless you ring the bell on the 19^th hole. That’s either altruism (if it’s a genuine attempt to offer something for nothing) or cynicism (if they know that one winner will get more green fees as the rest of the party are dragged along so as not to waste the freebie).

Then there’s the holes:

1. The impossible task hole. Hitting through a small gap into an uphill chute. No chance of a hole-in-one on this first challenge: Defeatism.

2. A hole that slopes in from both sides, and towards the hole from the tee, so that it forms a channel and a hole-in-one is absolutely guaranteed: Utopianism.

3. An absolutely fair hole, where you get the score you deserve for the shots you play: Idealism.

4. A long, long, long, and impossibly difficult hole: Eternalism.

5. The windmill: Classicism.

6. Another long hole, but one where, with perseverance, the end is in sight: Stoicism.

7. The hole where the ball disappears down a hole and, after travelling out of sight along a lengthy hidden pipe, emerges some distance away, with random speed and direction: Mysticism.

8. A hole where all the ball are collected in a holding area along the way, and only being differentiated after a lot of effort by the players: Kierkegaardianism.

9. The mousetrap hole, with multiple chutes, pipes, loops and all sorts of amazing stuff going on: Absurdism.

10. A nice, easy, short hole, light on hazards and worries: Epicureanism.

11. The hole where you all play, and everyone records the best outcome on their scorecard: Marxism.

12. The hole that, from the tee, looks like it will be impossible not to get a hole-in-one: Optimism.

13. The hole that, from the tee, looks impossible: Pessimism, or Realism.

14. The windmill hole: Romanticism.

15. The hole where the players stand on the tee waiting for someone to take their shots for them, or at least to advise them on the best line to take, or, for heaven’s sake, provide some sort of assistance: Statism.

16. The windmill hole: Symbolism.

17. The signature hole that sums up crazy golf: Surrealism.

18. The final hole, that sums up crazy golf: Nihilism.

An absurd and ultimately pointless exercise, or a deep and significant exploration of the meaning of life?