D-words
D the Dog’s first thunderstorm. Did he shiver, quake, and
disappear behind the sofa like a small child confronted by daleks? None of
those. He barked at the thunder and lightning. The same “just let me out there
and at it” barking he uses on his most-hated fox. It’s time to add to the
D-tionary.
D-tionary n a glossary of terms, relating to D the
Dog. Presented in alphabetical order.
Dypical adv the usual behaviour, chaos, and
rueful grins that arise from having a D the Dog about the place. Coming home to
find the dog baskets upside down, the laundry basket on the floor, its contents
scattered and D sitting in the middle of what were clean clothes with a sock in
his mouth, you might remark: “well,
that’s dypical, that is.”
Dyl Pickle v
the condition anyone exposed to D the Dog for any length of time will find
themselves in: tired, sleepless, lacking energy, hoarse, stressed, generally
exhausted. May include needing medical attention, see Dylision below.
Dyllapidated adj
the condition any inanimate object exposed to D the Dog for any length of
time will end up in. “Oh god, he’s had me
new trainers. Look. They’re all dyllapidated now!”
Dysmembered adj how any soft toy given to D the Dog
will be in no time at all: missing limbs and extremities. See also Dy-capitated.
Dylision v what the Sky telly football
commentators call a “coming together”
if it favours Manchester United, and an “act
of unspeakable violence” if it’s perpetrated by an Arsenal player (see the
lack of comment made about Sol Campbell’s ‘elbow’ on Ole Gunnar Solskjaer –
powder-puff contact that saw the little cheat hit the deck as if he’d been
gunned down by a Columbian hitman). A dylision usually involves D setting off
at full pelt, reaching top speed, then running into BLISS’ head or my knee,
without any deviation, hesitation, or evasive action.
Dyllness n
feeling unwell, the condition of suffering from a medical complaint. Can
arise from a dylision, being dyl pickled, or in extreme (a-dypical)
circumstances, dysmemberment.
The Man Booker Prize long list is out today…
…and I’ve not read any of them. I’d better get going, hadn’t
I?
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