On a mission...from God

I don't have to queue, god's on my side

I collected the turkey today. As usual, the queue was out of the door. Then the full length of the butcher's shopfront. As usual, there was plenty of gallows humour and abuse flying about. Most of the abuse was directed at Adrian, who owns the butchers. It centred on (a) his slow service, especially when compared to his faster, more efficient, younger, better looking (etc etc) staff; and (b) his legendary tightfistedness:

“I've got my car park ticket here”

“and?”

“and it says here I get a pound refund on parking”

“a pound? I'm feeling a bit giddy. I may have to lie down for a while”

“it says 'participating retailers'”

“don't give him any room to wriggle out of it”

“that till's a one-way machine. You'll not see a penny coming back out once it's gone in there”

“oy, is that a film crew outside? Adrian, the national news' here in case you give a pound back”

“over my dead body...”

And so on.

I was in the doorway when an late middle-aged lady appeared. “Is this the queue?” “I hope so, or I'm wasting my time.” “Do you think I could, er, only I'm late for mass.” “Is there not a later one?” “I really need to get in there...” The bloke in front of me joined in “they're open until nine this evening, why don't you come back later?” “or become an atheist?” that was wrong of me, but her persistence was starting to get on my nerves. “What do the commandments say about queue-jumping?” “I don't know, isn't this a pagan festival in any case?”. She decided to come back later.

Telepathy

BLISS: Oh, you've bought tomato juice. I was going to text you and ask you to pick some up.

ME: Must be telepathic. Do you want some now?

BLISS: Yes please.

ME: Worcestershire sauce and Tabasco sauce.

BLISS: Just Worcestershire, and just a tiny drop please.

ME: (with the Worcestershire sauce bottle in hand) say 'when'.

BLISS: (not looking) woah. That's enough.

ME: (even though I accept I can be a bit heavy handed at times, somewhat hurt) but I haven't put any in yet.

BLISS: (unsaid, by the powers of telepathy) I know what you're like.

Christmas cooking...

...started today with a parsnip, celeriac and apple soup, spicy with dashes of curry powder, cayenne, and black pepper.

That's the tide out?

We took the dog to the beach today. The website that described the 2 pm tide as 'low' can expect interrogation from the fair trading people. Nice walk though.