Not much call for those, 'round here

Looks like the headline writers had Christmas day off...

...at the Guardian:

Heavy rain raises threat of flooding

As opposed to what raising the flood risk? Light drizzle? A prolonged dry spell?

But...it's the single most popular cheese...

“Ah. How about Cheddar?”

“Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.”

“Not much ca...but it's the single most popular cheese in the world.”

“Not 'round here, sir.”

Apparently, despite their universal (or so I thought) and seasonal popularity, you can't give Twiglets and Cheese Footballs away, not in these parts. Not even special mini Twiglets, in Christmas livery, including a top tip for the empty container (reuse as a plant pot); pictures of snow-laden trees and a snowman; and a topical joke: what's Santa's favourite pizza? One that's deep pan, crisp and even. There's not enough crunch in the wholegrain munch to make it an attractive snack to my lot.

The Cheese footballs are a uniquely Christmas snack. Wafer spheres, with a dollop of some sort of cheese-flavoured chemical jollop in the middle. More controversial than the Twiglets (at 80% wholegrain, high in fibre, no artificial colours or flavours and baked not fried, they're bordering on health food), I was still surprised to have them entirely to myself. MM presented a reasoned argument as to why he'd rather not partake. Other reactions were more on the “you're not actually going to eat those things, are you?” line. Half the packaging is the warning. They contain milk, soya, wheat, gluten, and maybe nuts. There's stuff about recommended daily amounts and taking exercise, and a list of ingredients that almost exclusively comprises artificial colours and flavours. Luckily, I'd already eaten all those healthy Twiglets. There's more jokes, too: what do you sing at a snowman's birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow.

Zombie Virus

How I came by this DVD is a long story. The full title is Zombie Virus on Mulberry Street (The Neighbourhood is Changing). Described as “the best zombie flick since Romeo's Diary of the Dead!” (no, I've not heard of it either) by Billy Chainsaw in Bizarre magazine, and as “a tense and terrifying claustrophobic heart attack” by Dread Central, and featuring homicidal, cannibal rat-mutants, and, most importantly, not too much of a time-stealer at just eighty-one minutes, this is a must-see DVD.

Naturally I Googled Dread Central (an online horror magazine). I hit the link to the best and worst of 2012 (Cabin in the Woods and Piranha 3D respectively). I can see the horror potential of the cabin in the woods. A classic horror film setting, your lonely woodland cabin, long deserted, complete with cellar, locked rooms, mysterious tape with garbled warning left by the last known inhabitants, that sort of thing. Rather less potential for tension with small hungry fish. Stay in the boat and you'll be okay. Fall in and you're toast.