Happy birthday MM

St Totteringham's Day

There's no guarantee that there will be a St Totteringham's in any given year. It is the day, the glorious, wonderful, beautiful day, when it becomes mathematically impossible for S***s to finish above Arsenal in the league table. There's been a St Totteringham's Day every year for the last nineteen years, albeit some have been late. Very late. As in the last day of the season. Including the hilarious lasagne food poisoning away to West Ham year, which ought to have a name of its own (like the 'Rope A Dope' cup final – a great reference to a classic Muhammed Ali fight and a fond memory of doing 'Sir' Demento's mob on penalties).

Anyway, I've a technical question.

Is St Totteringham's the actual day when it becomes impossible for them to finish above us? In which case, for example, this year occurred at approximately ten pm when the final whistle went against Newcastle. Which isn't much of a day, is it? All of two hours until it's tomorrow.

Or is it the day after the actual event, giving us a full day to bask in the warm glow of knowing all is right with the world and the natural order of things has been preserved?

It also makes clear just what a shambles-fest of a country we live in when there's talk of a thatcher day yet St Totteringham's Day isn't a national holiday. Really, it's an absolute joke.

Just saw an advert for MA...

...the government sponsored money advice initiative. Now whenever the words 'government' and 'initiative' appear together, they're interchangeable with the words 'cock up' and 'of the highest order'.

Anyway, I think we should swamp their helpline number with calls asking how to pay less tax, or how to avoid paying tax whatsoever.

An Ecclestone? Ten percent?

One rule for the rich?

Yep, definitely.

Bernie Ecclestone owes a billion in taxes and HMRC have accepted ten million.

Meet your next tax demand with the offer of an Ecclestone settlement, 10% of what they're after.

Is it worth offering 2% VAT on purchases on this basis?

When the NHS and other departments are being cut back, what about HMRC who keep telling me that, despite being a PAYE employee, and despite having no resources or budget, I'm responsible for paying my own taxes. I'd support NHS cuts more were I asked to perform my own brain surgery, and cuts to the armed forces if I was being sent off abroad to police the unpoliceable. How about cutting the departments that use me as unpaid labour. That's like paying twice for the same thing.