Can't stand Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson

Fat, old guys my age are supposed to worship him. I find him odious. Abhorrent. Beyond belief.

I'm not bothered by words. There's always a contextual envelope that should determine how anyone's use of language is judged. However, shortly after the 'slant' quip – my, what a fast mind and soaring intellect to get that past the Top Gear production team, Jeremy has come out with a 'nigger'.

I have two big beefs with Clarkson:

Avoiding cliché, here's where I don't put 'everything he says and everything he does'...

One, he's a petrol-head, and I dislike petrol-heads. Cars are tools, for transporting people and things about the place. Anyone who thinks they're more than that is, as far as I'm concerned, dangerous. Anyone who thinks a means of transport makes a statement, well, they, in themselves, obviously lack sufficient whatever to make their own statement. They're expensive, and they're boring. There's nothing exciting about cars. Unless they're ploughing into each other. Then they're worth watching. Otherwise...well...yawn city.

Two: he's the typical boor. Too big, too loud, too much to say, without anything to back it up. Smokes. Hates physical exercise. Spouts every cliché known to middle-aged man. He's the bloke you dread being stuck with at any social occasion, being paid to be that bloke. Absurd. He's the bloke in the lift that has you taking the stairs. To the twenty-seventh floor. Yet the BBC (and that means you and me) pay his shedloads of cash for inflicting himself on the viewing public.

Not surprisingly, he's apologising for saying nigger. Not surprisingly because, without the exposure or national tax-paid broadcaster gives him , he'd be down about £14,000,000 per year.

“I did everything in my power not to say that word” he said.

Other than, er...not saying it, that is. That's nonsense of the highest order. Exactly what is to be expected of the right-wing, climate change denying oaf. This is the bloke who wants to eat rhino, hippo and giraffe meat “because he can”. Jeremy, while you're at it, how about drinking gallons of your own piss, or standing in front of the 12:25 Paddington express, because you can. That'd cut down the cliché per hour terrestrial telly figures and save a few quid on the licence fee.

I think it's that opening paragraph that is at the heart of the problem. There's too many like him, and they're getting all us fat, old dudes branded as right-wing, reactionary, old-fashioned, middle-of-the-road Daily Mail don't eat that foreign muck everything'd be lovely if it weren't for Europe and immigrants UKIP voters. He's a mate of Cameron's. Figures.

I hope they sack him for saying nigger, but I wish they'd sack him for being crap.