Some rhyming slang

Westminster rhyming slang

Ed, to assist. From Ed Miliband = hand, as in “give us an Ed a minute, I can't carry this tumble drier on my own.”

Dave, meaning heavy. From Dave Cameron = ton, as in “I can't lift this tumble drier, it weighs a Dave.”

Nick meaning to slot the ball through an opponents legs (football usage). For example, “as the nippy winger played the ball through the hapless fullbacks legs and ran on to collect it before crossing, he gave his opponent a cheery 'Nicks, ya melt'” leaving him nonplussed as well as embarrased. Nick Cleggs = nutmegs.

Jonathan, an automaton. From Jonathan Arbuthnot = robot. “Look, I'm sorry I dropped my end of the tumble drier. I'm human, not a Jonathan.”

Ed, to contact by phone. “I've left no end of messages about delivering the tumble drier, but they're not returning my Eds” - Ed Balls = calls.

Guto, a member of the working classes, someone looked down on by the political parties (all of them). “Look, I'm the leader of the house, and you're just va couple of Gutos” used to the cops guarding number ten. Guto Bebb = pleb.

Crispen Blunt. See Jeremy Hunt.

Hazel, crying. From Hazel Blears = tears. “Have a heart mate, your driving me to Hazel here.”

Angie, homosexual. From Angie Bray. “That Mandelson, he a raving Angie, isn't he?”

Karen, to fornicate, from Karen Buck. “Frankly, I don't give a Karen about the unemployed”. See also the unfortunate batsman trudging off the cricket pitch, out for a Karen.

Vince, item of furniture commonly used for eating. As in “I'll see you at the restaurant at eight, I've reserved a Vince”. From Vince Cable.

Jim, male genetalia. From Jim Fitzpatrick. “Come on, give us a lift with this tumble drier and stop being a total Jim.”.

Keith, meaning uncoordinated, not very good at sports. From Keith Vaz. “Why am I always the last player picked for the team?” “Because you're such a total Keith, you Jim.”

Jeremy. See Crispen Blunt. “That Jeremy Hunt. What a Crispen.”

Well...

...the cricket could be going better, couldn't it. Worryingly, the stalwart performers are stuttering. Jimmy Anderson can't buy a wicket and Matt Prior can't buy a run. Swann isn't posing much of a threat.

Catches win matches, and dropping them can be expensive. Apparently, if we'd help onto our chances, they'd have about 280 fewer runs to play with. That's too many to give away and remain competitive.