Neighbours (UK) Christmas Special
It is morning in Chipping Norton,
and David Cameron, in a pair of pyjamas that cost more than the
average person's entire wardrobe, pulls the bedroom curtains, and
lets out an almighty groan.
CAMERON: Nnnnnnooooooooooooo!
SAMANTHA: [half alseep] What? What is
it?
CAMERON: No, no, no, no, no.
SAMANTHA: What?
CAMERON: We don't do that here. No. Not
here.
SAMANTHA: [gets up and joins Cameron at
the window] Oh! How sweet. That's going to be...
CAMERON: It is, Samantha, it is going
to be cheap, gaudy, garish, and not in keeping with the ambience of
the area.
SAMANTHA: Couldn't we...
CAMERON: Don't even think about it.
Next door, Wayne is putting up the
Christmas lights and decorations. These comprise a mish-mash of
colours, reindeer, Santas, including a giant inflatable attached to
one of the many chimneys. Overall, the installation has involved hire
of a cherrypicker and will impose a considerable load on the national
grid.
WAYNE: Oy! Hi! Dave, y'old curtain
twitcher. What'dya think? Gonna be awesome, or what?
CAMERON: I say old chap, we don't go in
for...
WAYNE: [clambering back into the cage
of the cherrypicker] Sorry mate, can't hear...
CAMERON: I said...oh, never mind. [He
slams the window shut].
Cut to:
Later that day, the Cameron's is in
near darkness, with just the odd light dimly visible from the rooms.
Next door, the place is lit up, good and proper, and in the sort of
manner that will have adults concerned with 'taste' tearing out their
hair, and in the sort of manner that will have young children jumping
up and down clapping their hands in glee.
Fade out to:
After midnight, Cameron is at the
rear bedroom window. Samantha, again is next door, where the giant
screen is again showing the cricket, the barbecue is lit, prawns are
being eaten and people are handing around cans of Fosters.
CAMERON: This place is going to the
dogs.
WAYNE, SCYNTHYA, SAMANTHA, AVA, AND
OTHERS: (Singing)
We
are the army,
the
Barmy Army
Oh
we are bonkers,
and
we are mad
We
are the loyalest,
cricket
supporters
That
the world
has
ever had
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