Nice, er, lunch

Nice lunch today…

…with BLISS. Just as well the company was so stellar, because the food…

…well, have you heard the one about…

…the bloke who goes into a café and says:

“Can I have some routine fish fingers, rubbish chips, and bullet frozen peas, with a mug of tea too weak to defend itself. Oh and two slices of bread and butter, only don’t bring them over until it’s too late to even think about chip butties. And a baked potato with some of those horrible black bits, a bit of tired salad, a tight-fisted portion of grated tasteless cheddar and way too many beans, to make the plate look full up. And another mug to tea so weak it’ll have to be taken back to undergo strengthening measures. Oh, charge me over a tenner for the garbage while you’re at it.”

The café proprietor says:

“Certainly not, sir. We wouldn’t treat a customer that way.”

The bloke says:

“That’s funny. You did yesterday.”

Well, if I went in there tomorrow, I could be that bloke.

We have the ultimate dog owners’ utility belt…

…well, not a belt, as such. It’s more one of those round-the-neck ID card holder ribbon things, (deep booming Brian Blessed type voice, drum-roll) which shall be known as: “The Ribbon of Responsibility”.

Dangling from the end of this are:

The Whistle of Recall. Blow this when you want a scruffy, furry, slightly bemused-looking four-legged companion by your side. When wouldn’t you?

And:

The Red Dot of Control. A presentation pointer thingy, which is already (after no time at all) on its second set of batteries, because:

1)      It’s so effective; and:

2)      It’s just so much fun watching the silly little beggar charging around after a red dot.

All we need do is incorporate a dispenser (try to imagine the Brian Blessed voice again) for the Livercake of Reward, and a packet of pellets for the Kong of Frustration.