Sand, sea, dogs

Life’s a beach

D the Dog (I think we’re going to settle on a Peloponnesian Mountain Dog, a rare Aegean breed, for the bull trotted out to posh folk asking “what is he?”, when you can’t answer “a dog, stupid”) seems okay with water, as long as it is (a) small-scale, and (b) stationary. So he wasn’t too keen on the sea this morning, as it’s neither (a) or (b). He was such a wimp that he even brought out the maternal instinct in White Dog, and she’s not blessed with a soft-centred temperament.

Ding Dong – not a harsh song

The gutless BBC have caved in to pressure and won’t play Ding Dong the Witch is Dead, despite it being number three in the charts.

I may not pay my licence fee despite it being due, on account of them being such gutless cave-in merchants; and their entire output being so dumbed-down and second-rate that I have no use for it. Jeremy Hardy tweeted that the News Quiz had been made to tone things down to avoid upsetting the establishment.

Anyway, ‘Ding Dong’ is a mild, humorous dig in any case. It could’ve been Elvis Costello (Tramp the Dirt Down or Shipbuilding), or The Beat (Stand Down Margaret), or Heaven 17 ((Don’t Want This) Fascist Groove Thing), or Mother of 1,000 Dead (my personal preference). Considering they believe they’ve won and she’s wonderful, that mob in her corner seem to be the bitter, twisted, nasty and vindictive gang.

Hip, hip, hip hip hop, yo gonna have’ta pop me ta stop me

We’re run by suits now. Bland, characterless suits. I think things would be livened up if they were all locked up somewhere with hardcore rap playing loud for several days. That’d make prime minister’s questions more entertaining. At the despatch box: Milliband.

Hey. Cameron.

Wha dude?

Yo moma so fat, she was diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease…and given ten years to live.

Cameron responds: yo, Milliband, yo moma so fat I have to roll over twice to get off her.

Yo! Cameron. You suck. So does yo moma, but she charges.

Yo! Milliband! Yo moma such a ho’ that “who’s yo daddy?” is a multiple choice question.

Hey, Cameron, I had to run yo moma over, ‘cos I didn’t have enough petrol to go around her.

Maybe when Boris and Ken are party leaders.