Falling for it

April Fools’ Day

I did a bit of research:

1980: the BBC issued a story that the clock hands on Big Ben were going to be replaced by a digital read-out. There was a large volume of protest phone calls. Things like this work because our governments, of whatever political party, love implementing a bad idea, as long as it’s their idea.

2007: fake dead fairy. This got the website it featured on thousands of hits and generated huge interest. What I can’t understand is that, even after the originator put his hands up to the hoax, people wouldn’t believe him. Maybe there’s desperation to believe in fairies.

1998: Burger King: the ‘left handed’ whopper. Jesus.

1976: get this, Patrick Moore broadcast that an unusual planetary alignment meant that gravity would be temporarily reduced at 09:47 that morning. If you jumped at that time you’d go higher for longer. Proving just how bat-mad-insane people are, the BBC received thousands of calls confirming experiencing the sensation, including one from a woman claiming her and her eleven friends had floated around the room they were in. Don’t drink too much of that WI tea.

1957: Panorama: harvesting spaghetti from those trees in Switzerland. In answer to requests for instructions for growing their own spaghetti trees, the callers got the response: “place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best.”

This year, if you go to Google Maps, there’s a new ‘Treasure’ button. Zoom into street view and you get a telescope to look through.

Apparently the (I thought) reasonable question…

“…Is this easter-egg Sunday then?” Revealed the staggering level of ignorance my RE teachers, and my very own lack of care and attention, have burdened me with.

Just as well I didn’t go on to question “what’s so good about it Friday” and “half-price easter egg Monday”.

Always look on the bright side

The blackout curtains all over the kitchen seem to have reduced the reflection-barking from DtD. While she was never going to be best mates, white dog hasn’t actually eaten him, yet. He got around the woods (between one and a half and two miles) in decent time. The need to carry out in-depth investigation into every inch has eased, somewhat. He and BLISS had a Keystone Kop moment crossing the stream. That one where dog and owner, attached by a lead, go on either side of a tree. He should fit right in here. Jed, bless him, used to try and fail to get through a three-foot doorway with a four-foot stick in his mouth, then try again, repeatedly, but faster and faster, until the stick was confiscated.

To social services, community wannabe plastic policewomen…

…the DWP, the inheritance tax morons, the Valuation Agency, all you lot:

When I want your advice (which will be never), I won’t be asking for it, because I’ll never want it.

Until never, if you have anything you feel the need to offer me, please bang it full of rusty ten inch nails, razor wire, and Chemical Ali’s best biological weapons, and shove it up your hole until your eyes bleed.

Oh, and remember this is the no-swearing sanitised version you’re reading.