I left my heart in Papworth General
Half Man Half Biscuit. Should that be Half Man, Half
Biscuit? Imagine the world outlook of Karl Pilkington set to music. Imagine a
Birkenhead Ian Dury, without his art school background, steeped in Tranmere
Rovers, and 1970’s and 1980’s Jobcentre queues, collaborating with Pilkington
to turn that world view into lyrics. Add a deep and profound knowledge of
rubbish television and high street retail outlets, spoonfuls of scepticism and
a large pinch of surrealism.
Down at Stoke
Mandeville I bumped into Mr IQ
I said
“Hey albino this is
not 1972 so stub out your King
Edward and get that
small boy off your knee
And melt down your
rings and things and get
Yourself off the TV”
Jim could you fix it
for me to come down and
Suck out your
kidneys?...
1985 that was recorded. D’you think they knew something?
There’s a song on their CSI Ambleside album called…
…National Shite Day
We should have one of those. Celebrating years of useless,
lazy, shiny-arsed clockwatchers and jobsworths making millions of lives
miserable.
Actually, we need to have one of those a week, or we’ll fall
behind. Can I nominate the student loan retards as this week’s star performers,
please?
K and MM have seven or eight years at university between
them. Guess how many times the student loan monkey performance has been
dreadful, shambolic, and well on the woeful side of
even-if-I-were-carrying-out-deliberate-sabotage-I’d-be-doing-better-than-you-are.
Yep. Theirs is a 100% record.
Southeastern Trains Travelsick Blues
Closed the road off to play about with the level crossing.
Again. Privatised railway companies. Taking the ‘F’ out of shift work on a
mainline near you.
I was lost for words…
…honest, I was, when a workmate (born, raised, schooled,
lived all his life in a sleepy seaside town) described a nearby market town as ‘backward’.
I guess it’s like the hillbillies who know someone who can
read and write looking down on those that don’t.
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