Happy New Year (2)
The resolutions:
A resolution tip or two first. If, even
as you earnestly proclaim that your resolution is X, Y, or Z, an
inner voice is saying “yeah, right”, don't bother with that one.
It has a half-life measured in minutes.
Don't make too many. The minute one
goes down, they fall like dominos. Keep them simple. Here's mine (in
draft, of course there's some small print, I-dotting, T-crossing and
legals to finalise):
First. Be nicer to the doctor. He's not
blessed with the greatest sense of humour. You have to tip him off
when you're larking about with him. He a bit too earnest about all
this health stuff. I suppose he would be, wouldn't he? Last year he
was taking my blood pressure and asked about work and how long hours
and all that might be impacting. “Well, it's not easy keeping an
office like mine going in a recession, too much hard work” I said,
“I'm thinking of taking up smoking to help with the stress...”
He stopped with the pump-thing, and
pulled the stethoscope ear-pieces out, “you're not really, are
you?”. He looked genuinely concerned, and genuinely relieved when I
said, “no, of course I'm not.”
Second. Lose weight. Nothing to do with
health or anything like that, but to fit the superhero pants BLISS
got me for Christmas a bit better, because I really like them, but
they are...(looks for a nice way of putting it)...a bit on the snug
side.
Third. Be more tolerant of music and
telly. Listen to Robbie Williams and Madonna. Watch things with Ant
and Dec and Simon Cowell in. Take an interest in Strictly...
...Jesus. You looked just like the
doctor there.
Of course not. My resolution is to
harden my stance and be more aggressively disparaging of the
dumbed-down drivel served up by the Chris Moyles and similar boy band
bum kissers, and his ex-bosses at the big broadcasting corporations.
The first 2012 2013
of the year...
...was filenaming the document for this
posting. I went almost eight hours before making that mistake. Most
of it sleeping, granted...
How'd it go Arsene?
Oh, very goot, it voz much better.
Much better?
Yes, ze zip, it stayed done zup for the
whole game, I thought it performed very well...
Arsene, how're we going to improve
when, chasing a game, with about twenty minutes left to go, you send
on Marvin the Paranoid Android, to fall over a lot and give the ball
away?
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