No. No I'm not interested. Thanks.

They've come a long way...

...computers.

There's one of those urban myths...

...see also: Yanks spend billions on space-pens, Russian astronauts equipped with pencils; Yanks spend billions on stealth planes, Russians go back to valve technology (there's a theme developing here, isn't there...lets break that now...); Army stand in for fire brigade during strike, rescue cat from tree, then run it over; [add your personal favourites here]...

...about the early days of computers in banking:

Everything was going well, until the software came across the first double-barrelled name, whereupon it ground to a halt, trying to subtract the 'Jones' from the 'Smithers' in Smither-Jones.

Now, there's no question of that happening.

Now the concern is that they're getting too clever and too intrusive.

Yet...

...but not far enough...

...to avoid continuing to make schoolboy mistakes.

Even as they gather information: whereabouts you live, what sites you regularly visit, your online shopping moves, all that stuff...

...they fail to process it properly and actually learn anything...

...otherwise...

..why would I be getting communications telling me:

Grab Richard Madley's The Way You Look Tonight

...when, clearly, the only phrase I can think of that includes Richard Madley and 'grab' also includes 'nuts' and 'vice'.

Apparently, the bastard lovechild of Killroy-Silk and Nigel Havers, when he isn't busy shoplifting or being on the telly is churning out competition to *spits* Lord Archer of Slimesville.

I'll admit to a problem with telly.

Similar to the problem I have with giant, steaming piles of walrus pooh. That is, I'd rather not be in the same room, if at all possible.

For telly, as opposed to daytime telly with the likes of Richard and Judy, read giant steaming piles of walrus pooh, as opposed to giant steaming piles of rancid pooh from a colony of walruses. Walruses who have had a night out on the curry and beer. And dysentery.

Google-Ads. Kobo bookstore. Waterstones online. Amazon. eBay. Are you listening? For cristal clarity:

Richard Madley = steaming piles of post-vindaloo and Guinness walrus crap.

No, thank you.