There's nothing like a bit of sympathy...

Pulling muscles (from their shell)

It's a bit of a mystery, really. I went through the usual, thorough and intensive warm up routine. It may have been a just a bit Warm-Up Lite side, perhaps. But I walked to nets from the car park. Carrying my kit. Usually, that's more than enough.

A ball was hit back at me, quite hard. The batter must've got lucky, I was on fire. Well. I was getting the odd one straight, anyway. One bounce. Stoop down, catch ball. What was that popping and tearing noise? Seemed to come from my chest?

I was a lot younger when BLISS and I met, and a whole lot lighter, fitter and stronger. I'm half as much again, scales-wise, as I was then. Even so, there wasn't much there, there, there on offer.

“You're too old. Things'll go wrong. You making the tea?”

The saddest things are that:

A) this isn't the first time the same thing has happened, and:

B) one night, soon, I will wake up with chest pain, and, forgetting that I've simply pulled something, have a few seconds of “is this a heart attack” (rebranded now: 'heart event') panic.

It burns, it burns

Bomber was big and very, very loud. He bought a moped for his short commute. Less money on petrol, ideal for zipping through the heavy south London traffic. Inevitably, he pushed it too far and got knocked off.

Coming round, he complained, loud and long, about thr burning in his chest. Until...

...the ambulance man unzipped his jacket, and diagnosing the problem:

“Been to the chippie, have we?”

Thanks Oscar

The supermarket PR teams must be rubbing their hands. Horsemeat off the front page. Just when you need to bury the bad news, an athlete shoots his girlfriend after beating her with a cricket bat.

The Essential Miles Davis...

...was issued some years ago, as a double CD. BLISS (not a fan) would ask why more than a single? It's now been updated to a four CD set and reissued. The problem is how to ramp up 'essential'? The Even More Essential'? 'More of the Essential' would suggest that the original essential was incomplete, short-changing the punter. The Essentialer?

Nice one George

We're no longer AAA (pronounced 'triple-ay') rated. We're now AA1 (ay-at-one? double-ay-one?). Apparently this makes little difference. But George Osborne used the threat of losing AAA status as a big stick to beat his political opponents with (2009). He said it was the ultimate measure of his success or failure (2010). In his words, dropping down to AA1 is “humiliating”. Now it's happened on his watch.

He deserves all he gets. But the double Ed gang would've achieved the same. Just sooner.