Monday, 9 July 2012

Walking into the cheeseshop sketch


My first diet

Ever. It's my own idea. The C-diet. The 'C' stands for curry. I might rename it the R+C (curry and rice) or the C+BR (curry and basmati rice) diet if there's already a C-diet (there probably is, there seems to be one for every other letter of the alphabet. Or the C+C (curry and chapati diet). Last night it was Basmati chicken curry (served in its own pot, includes rice or nan, breast 60p extra, the restaurants say). It was hot with fresh chillies, warm with fresh ginger, heady with a lot of fresh garlic, the coconut milk was sharpened with lemon juice. It did come with basmati rice and a pint of sparkling water. Very nice indeed.

Tonight it's Dhansak. Hot and sour, with lentils, includes pilau rice, the restaurants say. Chicken, into the usual suspects, then some extra hot curry paste, chopped tomatoes, and an unfeasable amount of lentils, pre-cooked. The tart of the tomatoes should be aided and abetted by the large dollop of yoghurt. Served with an experimental lassi. Made with sparkling water. Yoghurt, sparkling water, salt and a dash of cayenne pepper. Lovely.

Don't suppose I'll lose any weight. When grub tastes this good, you wants buckets of the stuff.


Random Acts of Senseless Violence

That's a book by Jack Womack. The only Womack I've read. Not because the title has that ears pricking up effect (an old boss, blessed with a sense of humour, used to send an occasional email with the subject: Free Beer! Naturally, we all knew what was coming: “...right. Now I've got your attention...” but the draw of some things is irresistible. No, Random Acts...is the only Jack Womack book I've ever managed to get hold of without paying unfeasibly large amounts of money. I've exhausted all my usual sources.

Anyway, he's worth following on Twitter for frequent links to superb photo sets of New York's dark underbelly and less explored corners (like those London ones of that Italian café that's been operating in Hackney for eighty-odd years, the one with 'spaghetti bolognaise and chips' signwritten on the shopfront glass, and of the last independent bookies in Wilesden). There's a link today to his article on Joyce and Finnegan's Wake: http://www.nybooks.com/articles/archives/2012/jul/12/what-make-finnegans-wake/?page=1

Of Ulysses and The Dead Womack says: Between them those two works managed to say everything a pitying heart and a pitiless intellect could say about death and sex and love and literature, loss and desire, friendship and animosity, talk and silence, mourning and dread.”


Over the top?

BLISS took White drama-queen diva-dog to the vets today, to get her claws trimmed. Isn't that like going to the brain surgeon for a haircut?


A cheeseshop sketch moment

I wanted some wood glue to repair my cricket bat. Ah! A hardware shop. Just the place, wouldn't you think?

“Can I help you”
“Yes, I need some wood glue”
“Oh. No. We don't stock that...[my brain: 'what sort of hardware shop is this? Nails? Late delivery. Fork handles? Not on a Tuesday. Hose? Just sold the last one, sir]...I was probably looking confused...she went on: “we've got some superglue”

[Brain starts misbehaving. “Oh. Yes. Of course. I'll take some of your best superglue. Silly of me. When I said “wood”, naturally I meant “super”. Don't know what I could've been thinking about.” Inches away from full-on Bazil Fawlty meltdown.]

“No, no, it's wood glue I need”, exit, hurriedly, coughing.

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