Big guns and little hitlers

Olympics headlines

I didn't watch the opening ceremony. By all accounts it was very good. I'm afraid I don't do ceremonies in general. Royal weddings, state funerals, all that sort of thing just isn't, well, it isn't my thing.

The first one I can remember is the investiture of the Prince of Wales. It was sold heavily and I was junior school young and approached it without any preconceptions. It might be an exaggeration to say that within minutes I was bored to the point of wanting to slash my wrists with a blunt spoon. It might be, but it probably isn't. When they trundled Elton John out at Di's funeral and he changed the words to the already excruciating Candle in the Wind, I blurted “you're having a laugh” or something similar. Frowned upon. The Polish side. Born without a forelock to tug or the ability to curtsey.

Anyway, I'm glad it went well.

Not so Tory MP Aidan Burley. He described it as “multicultural crap” on Twitter. Surely even the prehistoric opening ceremonies, where the teams followed their flags out onto the running track, walked the 400 metres and went back out were multicultural? Per se? My folks, my family and me are sort of contributors to multiculturalism, like it or not. Burley does not seem to mind all multicultural events, he got in hot water for attending a Nazi themed stag party. No wonder he's back in the fold. New Labour are the old Tories as far as I'm concerned, and the Conservatives could be branded the New Nazi Party. He also described it as “the most leftie opening ceremony I've ever seen”. I suppose it was too heavy on the proles and hoi polloi, and too light on the SS, Gestapo and Stormtroopers.

Jeremy Hunt (Rhyming Slang) also dropped a clanger and almost smashed someone with the bell he was ringing. How is someone so obviously physically retarded minister for sport? Next we'll have inept people with no field experience as ministers for education, health and the like...oh...it seems we already do.

The women's ten metre air rifle shooting

OK, not exactly the hundred metres or even the long jump, but boy, do you get some serious kit to fire a small pellet ten metres. That's, like, only from here to there.

Apparently the bull is 0.5 mm in diameter and the winners just don't miss. Hardly at all. No wonder they need that kit. It looks like a specially imported ray gun from the planet Zog. Impressive. Imagine what they'll be toting in the shooting arena when the big calibre disciplines get going.