Giving it some welly

He's given that some welly

Graham Onions bats eleven for Durham in the T20 competition. That means, well, it means he's not so good with the bat. More of a bowler. Eleven normally says: “the worst bat of the eleven we've got, don't expect much from this dude...”

He's just walked out, played a decent shot straight to the fielder, then smashed the next one out of sight for a massive six. Prompting Bumble, commentating, to say:

“Who was that? He wants testing.”

I may save that for the grad when he turns up on time or (whisper it) even early. Mind you, I'd never get to use it.

I love all those expressions. He's given that some welly. He's proper spanked that one. I was discussing Chris Gayle's incredible scoring rate with MM. “Yeah” he said. “He don't mess about.” Or something like 'mess', anyway.

Croft puts one into row Z. Bumble again: “That's been hit. Where's the builders?”

E-bay...

...part global auction emporium, part on-line car boot sale. Our sitting room is now a small distribution centre for the second hand Polly Pocket, various used toys, and assorted junk from the garage market.

I have problems with antique and second hand stuff people. Two problems. Problem one occurs when you are buying. When you are buying all sorts of absolute rubbish are suddenly transformed into worth a fortune, massively in demand, rocking horse poo rare gold dust. I can't then help asking the obvious. “If there's such massive demand, how come it hasn't been sold yet?” Problem two occurs when you are selling. When you are selling, there's no demand for gold, the bottom's just fallen out of Ming vases, and that mint edition of the bible in the original Hebrew signed by Moses? Can't shift 'em for love nor money mate. Market's flooded. “How come there's one for sale at £plenty then?” brings the response about your one being chipped, not in the wrapping, not chipped enough, still in the wrapping, the wrong edition / revision / too late a model / too early a model.

Make that three problems. I would have no problem with problems one and two if it weren't for problem three, which is: that they do the whole selling? worthless, absolutely worthless, and the buying? this is worth an absolute mint, and absolute fortune routine without a glimmer of humour or any suggestion of irony. Deadpan. Either they believe their baloney, or you should never sit down with them at the poker table.

Racism and incorrectness at the BBC

Radio 4 announcer this evening: “New balls please. No more interest in Eastern Europe, all eyes now switch to SW19.” Oh yeah? England may be out, but there's plenty of us neutrals still far more interested in the remaining games than the chosen sport of middle aged housewives too young for the snooker. What about Spanish, Portugese, German and Italian listeners, too?