She's coming home today

She's coming home

Text from BLISS. You know when you try to read the detail, but yoiur eyes just can't see past the headline?

She's coming home.

I couldn't see past those three words.

No cake, no candles

I wasn't sure about tweeting the bad joke about liquidised cake, but DLL made it a favourite, so if it's okay with her...

Banners and balloons

I think she liked the balloons and the banners and the cards and presents.

Looking well, but shaky

I guess it's that black and white thing I get. Death's door / robust good health and little in between.

DLL's so much better, but has gone through so much it'll be a long time before she's properly recovered.

Luckily, BLISS's fully loaded with understanding, patience, caring and empathy. They've got a few trips back to the hospital coming up, so as well as making sure everything's going according to plan, they'll be giving her a general check over.

A check-up from the neck-up, as fire brigade medicals were known.

Get me out of here – now

I've only woken up in hospital once. I guess I've been very lucky. I came around after a keyhole knee cut and blow dry, on women's surgical ward. They were, apparently short of beds. Either that or money had changed hands and BLISS was having a practical joke.

I wanted just one thing: out of there.

On medical matters, I'm somewhere between wilfully stupid and accidentally stupid, so my diagnosis counts for very little, but three-quarters of those old biddies on the women's surgical ward were at least three quarters batshit bonkers (medical jargon does not count at swearing, BLISS). The other quarter were asleep.

When they said the magic words “go home”, I thought that was it.

More medical terminology.

“Go home”, in medical, translates into natural language as:

“Go home, in a few hours, after loads of buggering about”.

Go to the pharmacy. Go to the physio. Go to the bloke with the crutches. Do not pass the exit, and the temptation the car park represents.

The main thing's that she's in her own environment. If she's become institutionalised, I'll be fulfilling the wake up, I'm taking away the empty ice cream pot role.