I'd be less stressed, mate, if...

Old, grumpy, picky, pernickerty, but not distressed

There's loads to do your tank about.

Junk email does not light my tank-doing fuse.

Occasionally (okay, very occasionally) there's something of interest. It's easy to delete, unread. It isn't too hard to set up rules and filters and never again have your inbox doorstep darkened.

Some things, though, do disproportionately set my teeth on edge.

One is people who poke, pry, and try to organise me. I find them intrusive and timewasting. I don't like snobs and try to avoid some types at all costs. For example, the Le Grove Arsenal blog bloke, who can't help at least hinting, and often bragging about his super-powered, mega-paid job, but who repeatedly writes 'outwide' (one word), 'full back' (two words), mistakes their, they're and there, and generally gives himself away as a plastic, since football became trendy, fan who's never kicked a ball in anger in his life.

I was irritated, therefore, by an email with the subject line:

“Organise your life, your business and distress...”

What value is advice from anyone who tries to sell their services with a subject line that includes 'distress' instead of de-stress?

Yep:

Old – always. There's now only one alternative to old, and I don't fancy it just yet (too much to do).

Grumpy: frequently. Picky and pernickerty: I try to pick my moments for those and to relax as often as I can. I try to avoid dogmatic and pedantic.

De-stressed: possibly soon, let's see what happens.

Distressed: behave yourself, and sort your life out before delving into mine.

BLISS' smoothie shop

DLL can't eat solids for a while. BLISS has bought a super-blender. I has more revs, more Watts, volts and amps, more blending power than you can imagine. It extracts every ounce of goodness from whatever gets in its way, without chemical or thermal assistance. They don't like my favourite recipe: tomatoes, spinach and celery, with salt and Tabasco.

Suddenly I can't get anything into the fridge, because it's full of various berries and natural yoghurt. My tomato bowl's full of avocados.

I'm also getting flack because I strain mine before drinking. Black and white as ever: drink = drink. Eat = eat. Nothing in between. Don't like drinking stuff with bits in. Apparently that's 'gay' and I'm a 'big kid'.

Either way, fruit or veg, smooth or lumpy, DLL's getting some decent nutrition from fresh ingredients, and protein, too, thanks to the super-size (we're talking a Mr Universe winner's annual supply here) pot of protein powder Kiz got DLL as a get-well-soon present.