Neighbours (UK) Episode 3

Neighbours (UK)

David Cameron, in his Cotswolds home, pulls back the bedroom curtains, looking at his watch.

CAMERON: I don't believe this...

SAMANTHA: What is it?

CAMERON: Next door. There's all sorts going on. It's midnight and they're all out in the garden.

SAMANTHA: What're they doing? What are those lights?

CAMERON: It's...I can't quite make it out. Wait. It's a huge screen, with...with Sky Sports on it. And there's a barbecue going, and...is that a fridge, out in the garden?

WAYNE: (Shouting up at the window) Caught yer!

CAMERON: Oh no, he's seen me (ducks back inside, away from the window).

WAYNE: (Putting on an Aussie accent) Too late, me old curtain-twitching pommie cobber. C'mon dawn an' 'ave a tinnie and some prawns off the barbie.

CAMERON: (Opening the window) Look here, do you know what the time is?

WAYNE: Yeah, mate. It's time for the first over in Brisbane! The Ashes. Dave. Where's your Barmy Army hat? Ava, Ava, turn the music down, the game's starting.

CAMERON: (To Samantha) I think there's five days of this.

SAMANTHA: (Getting dressed) Good-oh. That Alistair Cook's a bit fit, isn't he?

CAMERON: Where're you going?

SAMANTHA: (Putting on an Aussie accent) To get some prawns and Fosters, mate. (Singing) Once a jolly swagman...

CAMERON: What on earth's going on here? This is Chipping Norton.

WAYNE and SAMANTHA: Come on Dave. (Singing) Swann, Swann will tear you apart, again...

Cameron starts digging around in the bedroom drawers, finding ear plugs, eye shields and the like.

CAMERON: (Muttering) How on earth did those working class scum...

WAYNE, SAMANTHA, SCYNTHYA, and AVA: (Singing):

In the town, where I was born, there was a man, who was a thief,

And he told me of his life, stealing bread and shagging sheep,

So they put him the nick, and a magistrate, he went to see,

And he said “put him on a ship, to the convict colony”

You all live in a convict colony, a convict colony, a convict colony,

You all live in a convict colony, a convict colony, a convict colony”

SAMANTHA: Oy, Wayne, give us another skewer of prawns, and some hot sauce.

WAYNE: Comin' right up, yer 'ighness.

CAMERON: (Laying back down) Dear God.

There's a cheer as the first Australian wicket goes down.