Look, guys, really, you're all the same...

Well he would say that, wouldn't he?

Nick Clegg has had a pop at Russell Brand (don't vote – they're all the same) and Jeremy Paxman (I didn't vote because the candidates were all so unappetising) on the grounds that they shouldn't be disillusioned and that not voting is an abdication of responsibility. Well, Mr Clegg, or, in full, Mr I promise never, ever, never to vote in favour of tuition fees for university students...er...unless I get into power in which case I'll do whatever that nice Mr Cameron tells me to because all I want is power, power, power, at any price including clearly, obviously and publicly demonstrating that I have no morals, no backbone, and blood like piss Clegg.

Yes, Nick, there's a certain amount of disillusionment and you are among the causes of that disillusionment. How did you vote on the badger-killing question?

Paxman: “politicians' burning desire to order people about is one of the many reasons they are so odd”. Nicely put. The choice is between:

• the guys who've given us five years of austerity (and that's been the last five years of countless lives ruined – and if, unlike most of those bums in Westminster, you don't happen to swallow the crap about eternal life in the hereafter (as long as you mumble the right words with your hands together and sing some hymns on a Sunday) those are the last five years those people will ever have)

• the guys who left us in the crap, who led us into an illegal war with tales of non-existent weapons of mass destruction and then didn't thave the decency to bother sending an attendance as the bodies were delivered back home, who were so busy brown-tonguing the bankers that they facilitated a global financial meltdown and then made sure that those responsible were bailed out by us lot on the end of the austerity measures (VAT 20%, anyone? We'll stop about a third of your pay, then when you try to spend the little you've got left, we'll charge you an additional fifth for daring to do so – unless it's petrol or booze or fags, in which case it'll be considerably more)

• the guys who signed a public pledge that they were the party that would not raise tuition fees, and then raised tuition fees

Is it too cynical to think that the people who keep telling you that it isn't perfect but the system we have is the best we can do, and that the only way to change things is to work within that system and (they love this analogy) “get your hands dirty” are the very people benefitting the most from the continuation of that system?

Paxman has stated his regret about not voting. “...the person who cannot even be bothered to write 'none of the above' on a ballot paper – disqualifies himself from passing any comment at all”.

Not so, Jeremy. I can now, right now, in five mouse clicks and a few key presses, get a copy of Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse Five beamed down to my e-reader, and make a secure paypal transaction. I can then, on polling day, read that novel (again) or do something similar and equally rewarding, rather than trudge down to do some pen and paper dinosaur rubbish in the digital age. Why waste my time? We operate a first past the post system anyway. Most of us live in areas that return the same old same old year upon decade. Where, Jeremy, is my incentive. Business lesson one, the WIIFM principle. What's in it for me? I spend my time and nothing changes. That, mate, is no way a bargain, or even a sensible transaction. A few mouse clicks? Yep, I can spare those and I'll be ticking the green party box (and if they're not an option, it'll be the “spoil the ballot paper”). Otherwise? Well there's a couple of Tarkovsky films I've not seen yet, and they're higher up on my to do list.