The worst view in sport?

The worst view in sport?

That was a Fighting Talk question. Michael Vaughan won by explaining the view when fielding at short leg, peppering his response with 'arses'. He's right. It's a horrible place to field. Close to the bat (and close to the batsman's arse), having to take regular evasive action, and hoping the bowler does not stray down the leg side.

Cricket and arse. So, in my experience, the worst view is the unexpected changing room close up of G's arse. Vaughan played professional cricket. He captained England. He's used to changing in a room that merits the description 'room'. Even the most bullish estate agent would struggle to classify our changing facilities as much more than cupboards. Bijou. Cosy, as in cramped and overpopulated. The only thing missing is the Tokyo underground-style members of staff cramming us in. A close up is exactly that. Enough to put you off your tea. Permanently. Sensitive new players have had to have counselling, therapy, spells in institutions. Whatever the National Health paid the surgeon (or mad hospital janitor) who did his pile operation, it's nowhere near enough. It's a Moon landing conspiracy theory arse. All the lunar landscape someone inventive with a movie camera would ever need. Near-on life-size, too.

As for one alternative answer, coming out of the blue corner and facing Mike Tyson in his heyday, well, at least there's the chance to put your gloves up, bounce once or twice, fake a hamstring tweak and depart physically intact, pride severely dented.

G's arse, or Iron Mike at his peak? Bring it on. Let's get ready to rumble!

3001 – 1001

On a recommendation, I ordered 3001, The Final Odyssey, from the e-library facility. The search (on 3001) also turned up “1001 tips on how to do just about anything”, or something like that. In a moment of madness, caring not a jot about the 60p reservation charge, I ticked the box and went for it.

Popular book, it hasn't turned up (3001 has).

I have a feeling it is going to (only partially) fill the gap laft by the Profanasoraus, finishing Sh*t My Dad Says, and the funny catalogue having too little product turnover.

We have received other, alternative free information through the letterbox, however, so:

• If you're hungry and have a Rooney-like taste for the older woman, there's lunch clubs (two home-cooked courses for £5) starting up in a couple of local care homes. Might give that one a miss. We'll all be there soon enough without volunteering.

• Abel & Cole will deliver a box of seasonal, organic veg to your door. My distrust of the food industry has kicked in, because the produce is described as 'ethical, healthy, seasonal, delicious,'. The “local” is missing. They want 99p to deliver it, too.

• Morrisons have offers on broccoli, salmon fillets, Jaffa Cakes and Coors Light (among other products).

Just thought I'd let you know.