This is a treat…
…for anyone who’s had to sit through those appraisal
interviews, or been asked for ‘honest feedback’ by someone who you know, if you
told them what you thought, would be destroyed. This is an antidote to that
carey-sharey happy-clappy working environment people now expect.
Thanks to MM for the link.
I worked with an ex-Navy bloke who was summoned for a
ticking off. On his return, we asked, cheerfully, as you would:
“How was the bollocking?”
“Well” he said, “it was like a bollocking, but I’ve been
bollocked by professionals, and I think I took the wind out of his sails when I
asked whether I was getting a bollocking, then thanked him for his input.”
I’ve attracted my fair share of thrown cups of tea and other
half-time projectiles, and sporting rollickings, and I like the way sporting
necessity produces that short-cut communication:
On the pitch: “you’re 6’2”, he’s 3’9”, and he’s won the last
three headers. Now. Sort your life out and make sure it stops here. Or you’re
off.”
Changing room, direct: “well, Istvan, that was undeniably a
huge and rancid, steaming pile of dog-poo, wasn’t it?”
Changing room, louche: I’d bemoaned leaving my towel at
home, unaware that the opponents had recently installed spanking new shower
facilities: “yeah, well, luckily you’ve not done enough to get hot and sweaty…”
The short sharp shock:
“Sorry skipper, shocking shot.”
“About next week...”
“Yeah?”
“…you’re dropped.”
The decoy there-there-there, followed by the dénouement:
“Don’t worry, no-one drops a catch on purpose…”
“…but tell your missus you’ve ok to go to Ikea next
Saturday, you’re not needed here, you ham-fisted, spaz-handed waster.”
Coming soon…
…chicken, gravy, mushrooms and pastry. Chicken pie induced
post traumatic stress disorder and the damage done.
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