Fad. Fast. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.

The 5:2 diet, and the three ages of man

The three ages:

Age 1:

The skinny years

Subject of comments like “I've seen more fat on a greasy chip / butcher's apron” Skinny McThin of Bones-ville, in the state of malnourished is a wiry, angular creature. In the later stages of the skinny years, often seen trying to 'bulk up' by an intake of protein shakes, protein smoothies, protein bars, and a daily junk-food intake with enough calories to launch several rockets into orbit.

These are the years where, after eating anything, there's a 50/50 chance of hearing “can I have another one of those?”.

These are the years where the whiplash physique sits down next to the fat old dude in the café, and a casual observer without knowledge of the three ages would assume that they've got each other's breakfasts, as the fat old dude (on the advice of his medical staff) tucks into little more than some toast and a cup of tea, Skinny McThin has fried slices, fried eggs, sausages, bacon, beans tomatoes, mushrooms, black pudding, and several slices of bread and butter to mop up any stray fragments that might, just might, get away.

The skinny years can last into the thirties. Mine did. Not far enough though!

Age 2:

Ideal fighting weight:

Suddenly Skinny McThin turns into Muscles McMuscles, of Sixpack Street, Gym-ville, in the state of Toned-and-Honed-on-Sea.

Not much to say about Age 2, because it lasts about one millisecond.

Age 3:

Who ate all the pies? Oh. It was you.

After that brief sojourn in Honed-and-Toned, it's the state of Wideload for Tubby McTubbs, of Lardbutt, Six-Ex-Ell City.

Suddenly, an appetite and eating habits designed around a body that never gained an ounce no matter what went in, are working with a metabolism that has slowed to sluggish, on an extra-fast day. That's fast as in velocity, not as in not eating, there.

Fasting is the basis of that 5:2 diet. That's non-eating fasting, there. Surrounded by the usual quasi-science and media fuss, the revolutionary idea of eating for five days, then not eating for two, apparently makes you thin and you live for ever with perfect blood pressure, skin, and then go to heaven. Or, maybe you just eat five sevenths of what you were eating before, or 71.4% of your previous intake, enough of a cutback to show some benefits.

Or you could just eat smaller meals.

Or, just maybe, accept the three stages and go with it.