Spiral

Spiral

Set in and co-starring a slightly washed-out looking Paris, I've finished season one, or, in English, the first series, of Spiral. French, subtitled, no holding back on the blood, gore, or personal life problems of the police, magistrates and judges investigating the murders of two Romanian sisters.

I find police procedurals much more interesting than whodunnits. Like Cluedo, the idea of the whodunnit seems sound, but ultimately there's something deeply unsatisfying about the reality. Unless you are trying to solve the crime (and I've only been involved in one of those murder mystery things, and it was a team-building afternoon, and I had to leave before the end because I had to go off on some more important networking...at the Emirates – a 0-0 Champions' League draw with CSKA Moscow (why do some of their fans wear kilts? Now there's a mystery worth solving)) it's like one of those overlong jokes with a weak punchline. I'd rather be fully aware of who the culprit was, and have the tension and drama depend on the apparently peripheral issues that in reality determine so many outcomes in real life (see The Wire).

I've been listening to some Goon Shows while walking the dogs...

...there's so many great lines, and every one sparks that “I must remember that one” thought. Which is always closely followed by the “what was that line I meant to remember?” thought.

“We can't stand around here doing nothing...people will think we're workmen.”

“I'll turn a deaf ear”

“I didn't know you had a deaf ear”

“I found it, on the floor of a barbershop”

[about a medical problem] “have you seen a doctor?”

“Yes. Just now. He was walking down the road.”

“As I swam ashore, I dried myself to save time.”

“That's it, I've sawn off all four legs”

“That's funny, I've never seen a piano with four legs”

“That explains why I keep falling over”

“Someone's coming up the stairs!”

“Quick, burn this on the fire”

“What is it?”

“A lump of coal”

“He [The criminal] must've got it through one of the doors or windows...everything else was locked”

“Come on, put your feet up” [Crash] “you shouldn't've done that from a standing start”

This is considered the funniest joke ever (in another form) but originated from a Goon Show, written by Spike Milligan:

[On the phone, panicking] “I just came in and found him lying on the carpet there”

“Oh, is he dead?”

“I think so”

“Hadn't you better make sure?”

“Alright. Just a minute”

[Sound of two gun shots]

“He's dead.”