The June Prince of Darkness Special
Peter Mandelson,
Prince of Darkness, is holding a shot glass of vodka, and wearing a Russian fur
hat. He is organising a set of Russian dolls on the mantelpiece, in precise
descending size order.
MANDELSON: (to himself). Nasdrovnia. Nas-drovnia. Nas-drov-nia.
Enter Terry,
Mandelson’s man Friday. He is wearing a replica Chelsea
TERRY: (Singing) We know what we are, We know what we
a-a-a-rrrrre, Champions of Europe, We know what we are.
MANDELSON: Terry. Aren’t you over that yet. Is was ages ago.
TERRY: Oh, there you are boss. (Noticing the vodka and
unseasonal hat) So. The stuff in the press is true then?
MANDELSON: Another character assassination, another
witch-hunt, I’m being pilloried. That’s what it is.
TERRY: Well, boss there was the undeclared mortgage…
MANDELSON: …honestly. A piffling £373,000 to help me out a
bit…
TERRY: Three hundred and seventy three grand at 1998 prices,
that must be worth…
MANDELSON: …nit-pick away, Terry.
TERRY: And the passport thing with the…
MANDELSON: …oh, not that old chestnut, Terry…
TERRY:…but this time, boss, what are you thinking of? These
are Russian mafia. They don’t mess about. They don’t take
prisoners…well…theydo, but only to torture them to a painful…
MANDELSON: Terry. This is an honest and above-board business
arrangement, making me a director of…
TERRY: Boss, you’re little Lord Mandy. You can’t play with
the big boys. This is organised crime on an unprecedented scale. These guys own
most of Eastern Europe . You’ll last five
minutes…
MANDELSON: Terry. Am I not the comeback king? I am nothing
if not resilient…
TERRY: Snowdrops…
MANDELSON: Snowdrops? What are you…
TERRY: Snowdrops they call them. The bodies littered all
over the place that come to light at the first thaw. They’re under the snow
until…
MANDELSON: OKAY (through gritted teeth) TERRY! You’re
spoiling this for me. Now go away and get me the Idiots’ Guide to Moscow . (Singing) Oh!
Kalinka, Kalinka, Kilinka-ka-ka-ya, Oh…
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