Wet, very wet.

It's raining in the north...

...heavily. So much so that a Newcastle fan posted that if they beat United tonight, he would “get in his canoe and have a paddle down to the pub to celebrate.”

In a bid to get Internet hits...

...the online Guardian has the headline “Rain heading south”. Buried deep in the article is the less than sensational information that as the weather front heads south, the rain is going to fizzle out.

Pump it where, sir?

When parts of Putney flooded, a wealthy chap insisted that we pump out his basement. The big stretch of water? That was the Thames. The temporary stretches of water? That would be the road and the surrounding area, as far as the eye could see. Where, exactly, we asked, did he propose we pumped the water to, such that it wasn't replaced by more water? He said something about aqua-vacs and making a complaint. Someone said something about the world's biggest aqua-vac.

Oy, mate, your pump's alight

Every so often everyone copped the equivalent of directing the traffic, or securing premises duties. Doing nothing interesting for hours on end. Acres of baled paper alight, and I was stationed at a base pump, a portable engine and pump on a frame, lifting water from a river and supplying a fire engine.

Easily bored, I was sat with my feet in the water, the pump running happily while suffering total neglect, reading a day-old newspaper.

Out of view, some stray paper had blown against the exhaust, caught fire, and was burning away dangerously near the petrol can. The petrol can I'd not bothered to put the cap on. Easily bored and prone to sulking. Luckily, a bloke walking his dog tipped me off “oy, mate” he shouted from the opposite bank “it that thing supposed to be alight?”.

Anderson scored for United...

...a fan Tweeted that if he can avoid injury and “doughnuts for breakfast” he might get a run in the first team. Just because he's a big lad doesn't mean he scoffs sugary, fatty, naughty stuff 24/7.

The Deadman's Pedal

Is my current book. By Alan Warner. I read The Stars in the Bright Sky last year or the year before. This is very different to that. I'm in the early stages, but it's unfolding nicely.

Whatever happened to Bovril crisps...

...they were the absolute best.