Shove your apprentice dancing dragons up your...

There's just things I will not countenance

So Levi Roots' cookbook will be available in a charity shop soon. Two reasons. The first is that when too many recipes refer to ready made stuff, and where too many of those references are to tomato sauce, I start to suspect this is not really a cookbook and more a manual for those who can't cook. Secondly, too many references to the Dragons' Den (whatever that is). I hate the assumption that everyone knows this stuff. I've never seen even an accidental glimpse of Dragons' Den, The Apprentice, or Strictly Come Dancing. By design. Studiously avoided, but at all costs. The book has been on the shelf for a year or two, unused, so it's time to say (Google Dudley Moore, Time to Say Goodbye or go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0u3NM8rd1U).

There used to be an entry in the Norbury fire station log book whenever anyone moved on. Their name, followed by “gone, goney gone, gone”.

The occasional sense of humour amputee who gave it (put on that back of the throat health and safety bloke voice) “that's a legal document, you know” was greeted with:

A) Well, he's legally gone, goney-gone, gone, 'aint he?

and:

B) If it's a legal document, how come the brigade let us lot loose on it? (A more than fair question).

Levi Roots, and your all too frequent references to some telly garbage for sad people, you are Gone. Goney gone gone. Mate.

Recipe book giveaways

On my kitchen bookshelves there's: a pizza-dough recipe half-hidden on a page that is plastered in pizza-dough rubbed off fingers after kneading and now flicking to the toppings pages; a very small (and at many levels very odd – written by an old-time actor, in a unique style and with brilliant enthusiasm) fish recipe book that falls open on the plaice meuniere pages; a thoroughly battered Floyd on Fire, with a harrisa stained ox heart brochette page; and any number of books that have been looked through for occasional inspiration without ever taking too much account of the detail therein. Then there's a few that are as new.

One favourite (and one that I've tried a number of dishes from) is a vintage Tabasco book Kiz got me as a present a year or two ago. Probably published in the late 60's / early 70's the photos are sometimes hilarious, the history of the sauce and the area fascinating, and all the recipes, laced with the fiery hot pepper sauce as they are, spot on.

I love buying dirt cheap ingredients, like chicken wings (about two quid a bucket full from the butcher's, twice that but still cheap from the supermarket (if absolutely necessary)) and making something special from them. Hot spicy wings, crisp skin, hit of chilli and spices, salad and rice. That's a Tabasco book fall-open page.

Chickpea curry with nan bread. Cheap as chips and twice as tasty. Hot potato and pea curry with the blissful aroma of basmati rice. BLISS made a magic sausage 'n' mash with broccoli, carrots and cabbage tonight. That really hit the spot.